Be honest now
How frequently do you deceive yourself? Do you agree to decisions that you know aren’t really in your best interest? Are you swept along by the tide of opinion of your crowd? Do you too often say yes, when you really mean no? Self-denial can mean that you aren’t really living your life the way you sense that you could.
What is self denial?
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For this article, it could be described as a tendency to satisfy, please, or appease an individual or a group by doing, saying or agreeing to something that isn’t in your own best interest.
Recognise the symptoms?
If so, you’re not alone. Often we’ve been brought up by parents and others in authority to always consider other people first. The positive intentions in teaching us good manners and respect for others did condition us to believe that we weren’t entitled to put ourselves first under any circumstances.
Self Talk effects what we think, feel and do
Every thought and action results from responses to some of our 5 senses. One of these is the voice in our head. Think of a time when you allowed yourself to be persuaded by others, to make a decision or take an action just for a quiet life.
The voice in your head recited what you really thought. On the screen in your mind you could see a situation that you would rather avoid. You noticed feelings in your stomach or chest that weren’t pleasant. Yet despite these warning signs, you talked yourself into agreement.
What happens when I’m not honest with myself?
When you aren’t honest with yourself the effects can range from disappointment, annoyance, anger or resentment. More seriously you might experience a loss of self esteem or confidence.
You could feel guilty about the situation, as though you were the cause. None of this is good for your mental or physical health if it’s a frequent occurrence.
Know your rights and learn to take care of you. Rethink the word selfish with its negative connotation. In your mind change the word to Self-ish.
Now think of the word as meaning that you are entitled to put the needs and wishes of yourself before others in most circumstances.
Apply assertion to your life
Be assertive rather than aggressive and create your own “Bill of Rights”. Start with these –
The Right to:
– Decide the need priorities of yourself before those of others.
– It’s someone else.
– Offer no excuses or justification for your decisions or behaviour.
– Maintain your self-respect by answering honestly even if it does disappoint someone else.
– Change your mind.
– Defend yourself.
– Now add your own to this list….
How to know if you are being honest with yourself
Decision-making and logical thinking isn’t entirely restricted to processes happening between our ears.
Your gut quite literally has a mind of its own, the “enteric nervous system”. Just like the larger brain in your head, researchers say, this system sends and receives impulses, records experiences and responds to emotions. We are all familiar with the expression “gut feeling”. Take much more notice of gut feelings than perhaps you have allowed before now.
Use a coin as a simple and very effective honesty check
You have a decision to make: about a request, suggestion or demand being imposed on you and you really don’t know if you should say yes or no.
Give yourself time. Don’t be forced into instantaneous answers. Think carefully. Then toss a coin.
If you are instantly disappointed that “Heads Up” means “Yes”, you can trust that your gut feeling is giving you the answer that is most appropriate for you.
Go on, shake off the shackles of your past and listen carefully to self talk. Trust your gut and step ahead by being honest with you!
Connect with Expert Robin How