Do you ever get angry with someone or with a situation? Do you find it hard to control your anger?

Do you launch into a major tantrum? Have you blown up and then after a few moments, calmed down and realised that things were never really bad enough to justify your reaction? Let’s face it, even the most equable and placid amongst us have had moments like this.

How to control your anger

Without doubt, the emotion of anger is really a waste of vital energy and it does not really achieve any purpose.

Where an argument arises, it’s much better to keep calm, think clearly and resolve the situation as amicably as possible. Here are some reasons why it’s best to stop fighting and top tips on how to do it.

Stress management

Generally aim to live with a spirit of calmness and adopt some stress management techniques in your day to day life, so you prevent angry feelings arising in the first place.

Your blood pressure will thank you!


Ensure that you have adequate levels of vitamin B5, magnesium and vitamin C that you require for the adrenal glands. These pump out cortisol and adrenaline in the ‘flight or fight’ state, and this becomes stimulated in the heat of an argument.

Take a stress multivitamin and mineral with extra of those vital nutrients.

Avoid anti-nutrients that drain your vitamins and minerals, such as caffeine or excessive alcohol.

Caffeine also causes adrenaline to be released and some people experience this reaction in the form of getting ‘the shakes’. In caffeine sensitive people, it can lead to one reacting to stressful situations more aggressively.

Exercise to music

Whether you like a lively style of dancing like Zumba, or a more gentle flow like yoga, or maybe in the absence of classes or a gym, a walk in the park, countryside or by the sea.

All help to calm the stress system.

If stress is heightened, it’s often better to focus on low impact forms of exercise, like yoga which lower adrenaline.


A daily session of meditation where you switch the mind off and focus on breathing can really help you to get in touch with your breath and live in the moment, often you realise that things are not as bad as the mind makes out.

Use the mantra ‘I release myself from obstacles and barriers’


Adopt a frame of mind of gratitude means that you focus on the great blessings of life, rather than wasting time on the negatives, which the mind naturally tends to focus on.

The rescue remedy!

When you feel angry, it’s really helpful to think about the root cause.

Are you in a hurry and people not moving quickly enough? Are you feeling impatient? Sometimes the underlying cause can actually be another emotion like fear, sadness or guilt.

Look to the Bach Flowers Remedies for the corresponding remedy to the underlying emotion, for example:

– Holly: anger
– Mimulus: known fear
– Impatiens: frustration with slow progress
– Gorse: guilt
– Mustard: depression when you don’t know why

There are 38 remedies in total so there’s a lot to work on! And if in doubt add in the general rescue remedy itself as it covers a multitude of emotions!

So what can you do in the heat of the moment? Learn how to stop fighting! 


how to stop fighting_2When you feel emotions rising, take a few deep breaths way down into the abdomen, slow down for a count of 10 full breaths and really study the situation in the moment.

Deepak Chopra says that ‘Peace is created around peaceful people whilst the opposite happens today where so much effort is spent in defence and protection’.

Think about the following:

What’s the alternative? Have you got the reality of the situation, are you seeing it accurately? What else can you do that would have a better result?

Remember the Reiki Principles………for today I will not anger……or worry. Use complementary therapies like reflexology or have a massage to help you relax.

If another person is the source of your initial anger, put yourself in their position. What challenges do they face? Maybe they are over-stressed? Is there a way you can help them?

Release control

Build a life on trust and accept that things don’t always go to plan and go with the flow. Learning how to control your anger is a big step towards this.

Use the mantra ‘So be it’ or ‘it is what it is’! No one likes to be controlled either.

Finally, if you do lose your temper, please don’t waste time worrying about it. Remember that you are human, apologise if you need to and send love to the person or situation. Forgiveness is a release as anger only serves to hurt and erode the individual who feels it.

‘The opposite of defending and fighting is allowing’ – Deepak Chopra

Connect with Expert Kathleen Farren


– Stress Without Distress, Hans Seyle
– Quantum Healing, Deepak Chopra for meditations
Headspace app
– Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World, Mark Williams and Danny Penham
Bach Remedies
– Control Stress, Paul McKenna

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