You will always be judged
No matter who you are, no matter what you do, and no matter how nice your friends and family are; you will be judged for something.
Within four seconds of meeting someone, we judge a person on some level. This judgement is based on stereotypes that can be negative or positive, subtle or exaggerated. We may also use our own more personal rules, based on past experiences.RELATED: RECOMMENDED PLANS FOR YOU
Judgement is imbedded in our brains
According to a study by researchers at Dartmouth College and New York University, the brain immediately determines how trustworthy a face is before it’s fully perceived, which supports the fact that we make very fast judgments about people.
The researchers focused on activity in the amygdala, a part of the brain responsible for social and emotional behaviour, and found that specific areas of the amygdala were activated based on judgements of trustworthiness or non-trustworthiness. This, the researchers conclude, is evidence that our brains make judgements on people before we even process who they are or what they look like.
And often once we’ve made this judgement, a confirmation bias kicks in where we look for information that supports our views, and selectively ignores that which doesn’t. If for example someone has decided you’re shy and unsociable, they may not notice all the times you are friendly and outgoing but seem to pounce on the times you are a little reserved.
How to deal with judgment
– Firstly you have to accept that you won’t go through life without judgement, as I mentioned already, this is something that we inherently do. So you can either choose to get stuck in the victim role and see judgement as a bad thing or…..
– Something that I recommend my clients to do when they feel they are being judged by someone is to see the experience as a gift of greater self-awareness and see the judgment as actually a reflection of what they don’t like about themselves. This honest look will show them that how they react has more to do with their own self-judgments and feelings of inadequacy, not the other person.
For instance, if someone makes a remark about you and it’s something you also judge in yourself, it will most likely hurt. However if they make the same remark and you don’t have that judgment about yourself, it probably won’t bother you at all.
See, It’s easy to complain about the outside critics, but the biggest critic in your life usually lives between your own two ears. So have an active dialogue with yourself about releasing these negative self-beliefs. Get really clear: What are you criticizing? Why are you judging this part of yourself?
Be more conscious of judging others
When you make judgments on other people, cultures, or ideas; you train the brain to become just as judgemental on yourself. You begin criticizing yourself for what you dislike in others, which is highlighted by others judging you.
There is nothing wrong with taking an honest look within to see if you share some of the characteristics you dislike in others. You may be surprised to learn that you do, and it is likely to offer insight into gaining greater self-acceptance.
Read more from Expert Dean Griffiths.