When we communicate with people we usually think that it all comes from our words. Of course, a certain percentage does.
However you can use all the words you like and try to make other person believe you, but your body language can’t lie!
Body language shows all your real thoughts and emotions
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Do you know the saying : “your face says it all“?
There are many ways we can communicate.
Let’s have a look at the three most common ones:
1) Words – 7%
2) Tone of voice – 38%
3) Body language – 55%.
So now you can see that words are not the most important and efficient way to communicate!
Have you ever observed other people’s behaviour, posture?
Even from a distance, without being able to hear what they say, you can pretty much understand what’s going on inside of them. I find it absolutely fascinating.
After studying NLP, it opened my eyes and ears to how people interact with others without even knowing they are doing it. By mastering your communication skills using all your sensors, you can easily get the outcome you want from any conversation.
In NLP it’s called ‘creating a rapport’.
Matching body language
One way to create rapport is by matching the other person’s body language.
By mirroring the way they move, you are communicating to their subconscious that “I am just like you!”
People definitely like people who are like them, so this is a great way to get new person to trust you and feel comfortable to talk to you. But this doesn’t mean that you have to mimic exactly what the other person does at exactly same time and intensity.
You don’t just copy every little movement the other person makes.
You have to be subtle, otherwise people are going to think that you are an insensitive copycat and making fun of them. Not the best way to go ahead.
To create rapport, do similar moves and only those that you feel comfortable doing.
If they lean forwards when they speak, you can lean forwards too. If they start to lean back, feel free to do so. It is advisable to wait few seconds 5-10 before you copy their moves as your movement is much less likely to be consciously picked up on.
It feels more natural and less forced.
Another good timing for posture change is when you stop to think or are starting a new sentence.
Facial gestures can be matched even more easily. For example, if somebody smiles at you, it’s perfectly fine to smile back immediately!
If they play with their hair, pen, magazine in their hands, you can do so too – just try not to make too big a deal of it.
All of these little gestures will be picked up by the other person’s subconscious and will affirm the belief that you are just like them. It makes them feel very comfortable around someone as amazing and clever as they are!
Matching the breathing
If you want to get even deeper, try to match their breathing. It’s easier than you think.
No one ever jumped out of the chair shouting: “Can you please stop matching my breathing“.
It will calm them down and make them feel in complete unity with you.
Especially if you do it with your loved ones.
Try it for a week
When you are next to your partner, match their breathing, i.e. breathe at the same speed and at the same depth that they do and see what’s going to happen. And please leave your feedback and comments if you want to learn more about it.
When you get the hang of it, you will match people’s body language automatically. It’s almost as if you make a little “tribute” move for every larger move that they make!
For example, when I now meet someone new, I often stop to analyse my body language – only to realise that I am deeply matching the other person without realising it. This didn’t take too long at all to achieve – just a few weeks of practice.
Connect with Expert Viktoriya Khoma