Thanks to a recent breast scare I had boobs on the brain for a while. And spending quite a bit of time in North America only served to magnify this fixation.

Wherever you seem to cast your gaze you’ll spot a perfect pair of spherical boobs giving a girl a confidence from her glowing blonde hair, to her fluorescent teeth to the very core of her soul (at least that’s what she’ll claim). Occasionally this might be down to nothing more than genetic good fortune, though more often than not a ‘fortune’ of a different kind has been involved, and it is a breast of  an issue. But nonetheless they all seemed to add up to give the lady elevated levels of pride and confidence. Outwardly at least.

Pamela Anderson put the focus back onto breasts just as Jennifer Lopez did the same for curvy butts. But hang on a minute, who is going to continue to fly the curvy flag? Or is all that curvy stuff going to become passé and the lean, skinny, shoulderless look is going to re-emerge. In which case this would be an extension of the repellent heroine chic look that plagued the catwalks a few years ago but there is a worrying difference about how this withered look is now achieved.

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It’s no longer about partying and late nights, instead it has become about ridiculously long cardio sessions twice a day and egg whites for meals. Having lived a form of this for repeated weeks in my life as preparation for pro fitness championships, I have no reservations in denouncing this vogue on grounds of long term poor health, crunchy joints, premature ageing and sheer, unhealthy self-obsession.

If it’s a job like being a jockey, a boxer and anything else with a proper goal to it, all well and good. Most of those people are fully versed in training techniques and nutritional matters and wouldn’t put themselves through it long term. Not so on the west coast of the USA.

Exercisers are approaching personal trainers and demanding the hip-bone look with lots of clavical showing. OK, clearly it is an absurd request, but worse than that – in the true spirit of enterprise and opportunism – there are trainers out there honouring this as if it were an order for a take-away pizza. Then they are hailed as Gods for achieving the skeletal look for their clients! And it doesn’t finish there.

Some of the ladies aren’t a 100% happy with their new lean look so get silicone implants to fill out the loss of fatty breast tissue, while others are going for reduction surgery to match the rest of their shrinking physical form. How on earth is this health and fitness? Worryingly these fads swim across the Atlantic in no time. So those of us on the European continent have to be ready and vigilant!

Firstly who thinks this is a sexy look? Each to their own taste but since humans are sophisticated creatures, doesn’t the male species subconsciously search for a mate that looks like good reproduction material? Doesn’t that mean a little flesh, a face with colour, a body that suggests the capability to handle childbirth and, ideally, one that is still menstruating? The scary thing is it appears large numbers of women are striving to attain this absurd look for personal validation reasons rather than trying to appear attractive to the opposite sex.

If that is the case the cogs of evolution are starting to grind and those females have made room for men to see us as unpredictable nutters once again! Well I guess it does put PMT on the back burner for a while… I suppose the thing that alarms me most is the obscene self-obsessive nature involved in all this. Having healthy beliefs is far more important then than looks and it can help boost health and self esteem.

To be so absorbed in eating, exercising, appearance, how skinny you are compared to the next knotted pipecleaner, all makes for a stressful and exhausting existence and one that must be missing out on rather more important, elevating and joyful matters.

Whilst the body gets smaller from these extreme measures, the head doesn’t and it rather out sizes the physique. Now add some breast implants (not to mention fake tan, hair extensions, face freezing botox and inflated lips…) and we’ve got something that doesn’t look unlike a grinning Troll.

Getting a breast of the issue_2

Only these Trolls don’t hang out under bridges in fantasy tales, they parade parties and are seen to be the latest beauty queens. Gossip magazines give them acres of column inches and girls aspire to look like them. US clothing sizes are different to those in Europe but unless you’re a size 0 (yes that’s zero!) in Californian hot spots, you’re not hot.

Size 0 equates to a UK size 4. This means if you’re a UK size 8 (which, let’s face it, is pretty small) you will struggle to find clothes ‘vast’ enough to fit and you’ll be the fattest girl at the LA party by a long way. Imagine that! But would that drive you to boot camps at 5.15am and again in the evening after a days work? These are popular fitness sessions now where the exerciser gets pushed hard and leaves with nutritional rules like no complex carbs.

But doesn’t the brain require a certain amount of carbs just to function? Oh…maybe that’s what’s going wrong out there, as there are no balance in life and to know what is important to you. So according to some of our American cousins six stone is where it’s at girls! I am small and when I am underweight, I am still not six stone or size zero! Just make sure your thyroid, bowls and menstrual cycle don’t notice the weight loss or you’ll have more problems than finding a size 4 dress for that summer party!

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